As I was reflecting on my grumpiness and depression yesterday.... Much moaning & groaning and why me?-ing, it occurred to me that it's pretty damn obvious why! I'm sitting around wondering if I need to go back on antidepressants when in fact it's just situational depression arising from damn near a month of being less than well - most of it involving agonizing pain - that has also prevented me from doing the things I enjoy (or want to enjoy but can't quite) and achieving the things I want to achieve. That might read like more self pity but in reality it actually makes me feel a little less sorry for myself because it's something more tangible, caused by something definable and explicable rather than just me being depressed because I'm a depressive person, quick, give me some pills to take the edge off. Plus of course it means there's an end to it at some point, which isn't guaranteed with the general 'depression because I'm depressed.' So I find that reassuring. Also my ear is finally showing signs of clearing - it's not there yet, but instead of feeling constantly blocked and deaf it comes and goes, and hopefully will come less often and last less time when it comes, progressively, until it's just clear again.
I did have a bit of a headache today but I think that may have something to do with the whiskey I drowned my sorrows with last night rather than a sign that I'm ill AGAIN. I slept reasonably well and felt pretty good most of the day so I choose to believe my chocolate yesterday was medicinal as well as lovely :-)
Food today:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with onion, mushrooms & red pepper (and a tiny bit of grated mozzarella)
Lunch: homemade beef soup, natural yoghurt & dried fruit
Dinner: Poached chicken salad with homemade mayo, served on a bed of lettuce, with raw jicama fries
Snacks: protein flapjack, pork scratchings, fruit
No comments:
Post a Comment