After my meltdown on Saturday I managed to cool down a bit yesterday - once again, thanks for the support & perspective! I've been spending too much time online reading up on it and I'm now forced to hope that I don't have to wait too long for the op as I'm starting to feel an overwhelming urge to jump on a plane and run away altogether. Today I read on a forum that there's a YouTube video of the op and I'm trying to decide if watching it would demystify it, making me less scared, or give me that final push onto that plane... So far I'm thinking it's better not to know / see too much... What would you do if you were me? Don't worry, I will make up my own mind, I'm just curious!
Yesterday was not a particularly fun day - the weather was very grey, and although I did walk a couple of miles I couldn't be bothered to go further. Instead I spent time in the kitchen & on the sofa - I slow cooked a chicken, slow cooked some oatmeal to feed M this week, made a vat of a Caribbean beef stew from a recipe my dad passed on to me, roasted a goose and boiled a cured pork joint.... and watched a movie - Beautiful Creatures.
Today it was back to work so the sun came back in the morning. It was lovely this morning in fact - getting light by the time I left the house rather than driving all the way in the pitch black, clear skies, dry, not too windy, not as cold - though far from warm. At lunchtime I had to do a little shopping and it was pleasant not dashing through the rain, although it had been raining hard a little earlier in the morning and was pretty grey. I would have walked properly but I forgot to put my walking boots in the car to change into and was wearing a pair of boots that I can't walk far in without monster blood blisters appearing on the soles of my feet, so that was out sadly.
I'm not drinking any full caffeine drinks now and I think it's helping me sleep better at nights - but I get almost as tired in the early afternoon as I used to do when I was eating a lunch of gluten-ridden wheat bread. I've got two herbal teas that claim to be 'stimulating' or 'invigorating' without caffeine - rooibos & peppermint - but they're not having any measurable effect on my sleepiness :-( This afternoon lasted 8 or 9 years as a result, and made me question how much I really want to cut out the stimulants. I guess my body knows I have weeks, if not months of sleep deprivation to recover from and doesn't really get the difference between napping on the sofa in the afternoon and falling asleep on my keyboard (then getting fired...)
After work I spent yet more time on house buying stuff. I love the house we found, but I'm absolutely fed up with the purchase already. The only saving grace is that it's a distraction from other more worrying things...
Food today:
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with leek & bacon
Lunch: cauliflower soup
Dinner: chicken & vegetable stirfry with hoisin sauce
Snacks: coconut flakes; lots of nuts
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